Top tips to help you cope with stress on divorce and separation
April is national stress awareness month, aiming to bring attention to the negative impact of stress. Stress is something we cannot avoid but we all know that too much can have a negative impact on physical and mental health both short and long term. It is important, therefore, to be aware of times of heightened stress and pressure so that we can try and manage it and put in place strategies to cope.
In October 2022, Benenden Health surveyed 2,000 people to compile a list of the 10 most stressful life events. It will come as no surprise that divorce ranks highly at number 5. In addition, however, a number of “life events” which may arise from or be linked to divorce also rank in the top 10, including financial challenges (number 2), relationship changes (number 4), buying a house (number 7) and starting a new job (number 10).
It is not unusual for people going through a divorce or separation to have to deal with half of these “most stressful life events” all at once. That is a huge undertaking for anyone. It is imperative, therefore, for individuals and professionals to be alive to these pressures.
All this begs the question – how can you cope? We have compiled our own list of top tips below to help you anticipate and cope with the stress of divorce and separation:
Get help to manage your emotions
Whether you have made the decision to initiate a separation or it has come as a shock to you, there will be a huge number of emotions to process. It is sensible to get some help with that. You may want to go through a therapist or councillor. You may already be in touch with someone but if not, your solicitor will have recommendations, or you can look for assistance through well-established organisations such as Mind or the The Stress Management Society. Alternatively, there are loads of online resources including apps that provide online support or just tips to practice meditation and mindfulness. It all helps.
Carefully consider all settlement options
It is not always possible to avoid litigation and it may be in your best interest to pursue that. Litigation, however, comes with an emotional health warning – it can be a very stressful process. There are lots of options outside of the court that can help you reach a resolution more quickly and more amicably including mediation, solicitor negotiation, arbitration and (for the right clients) one lawyer services. Your solicitor should talk you through these options as a first point of call to see which, if any, are suitable for you.
Organisation is key
We all know the clichés – “a stitch in time saves nine”, “never do tomorrow what you can do today”, “a minute organising is an hour earned”, etc. Irritating as it is to hear when you’re fighting a looming deadline, it is true. There is nothing more stressful than a last-minute panic.
Sometimes pressure is unavoidable but think about what you can organise early on to save you stress further down the line. This could include getting your bank statements in order, making sure you have a handle on where your pensions / investments are or thinking about if any assets require valuation or expert evidence. Your solicitor can help with all this, but the aim is to spend less time answering requests for overdue information and more time taking care of yourself. Good organisation will also help you manage costs which is another key consideration.
Control the controllable
You cannot control how your ex or your opponent will behave or react. Instead of getting frustrated with an unhelpful response or unexpected obstacle, focus on what you can do to improve the situation and your mood. That may mean employing some of the tips above, or making sure you stick to a helpful routine like regular exercise or a relaxing hobby. The more support and resilience you can build up the better placed you will be to deal with the twists and turns of separation.
Finally, get the right professionals on board
If you need legal advice, it is important you find someone who fits with you. Although your solicitor cannot provide therapy, you need to feel supported and listened to and have a professional you can trust to guide you through the process. The right advisor can help to take some worries off your plate, which cannot be underestimated.
At Mills & Reeve, we understand how stressful going through a divorce can be. This is why our divorce lawyers never lose sight of the fact that each situation is different and are committed to providing you with support and all the necessary information you need. Speak to our team today to find out how we can help you.